This is going to be a page of funny things, pictures, what ever I can find that will bring a smile.
Some may ask why I am putting this page up, it's simple, because I have to keep it light, or I will
get on my soap box and I know you don't want to hear me rant and rave about anything! So, now
you know why, make sure you check back now and then to see what crap I have put up here.
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Subject: USRSF
The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man
elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).
These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, West Virginia, Missouri,
Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have
been given only the following facts about terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.
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This should be the menu for automated answering systems!
GOOD MORNING,
WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA .
Press "1" for English.
Press "2" to disconnect until you have learned to speak English.
Press "3" to repeat this menu.
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Here is a picture that we would all love to see, but it of course has been done with photo editing software.
That is a good website to look at before you pass along the letter about little Timmy who needs a foot
transplant or he will lose the family home etc. Here is one making the rounds now.
This was supposed to tell how they don't know the english language and got an ex GI to write the signs for them.
If it were only true!
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Why it is important to learn English when
you live in the United States.......
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Harley inventor goes to heaven
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, ArthurDavidson,
died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur,
"Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed
the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in
Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to
hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and
introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the
one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?!"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me..."
God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing
something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't
run without a road?!"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse
me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Ah, yes."
Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some
design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!"
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold
on."
God went to His Celestial super-computer, typed in a few words
and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper
and God read it.
Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to
Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my
invention than yours"
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How Smart Is Your Right Foot?
This is so funny that it will boggle your mind.
And you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can
outsmart your foot. But you can't!!! (I guess I have waaayyyy to much free time on
my hands!)
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right
foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in
the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!!!
I told you so... And there is nothing you can do
about it.
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OLD MEN...
The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit,
horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and
fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn't been
there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer,
he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached,
he made the women aware of his presence.
At once, they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him,
"We're not coming out until you leave."
The old man frowned, "I did not come down here to watch you young ladies
swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding up the bucket, he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old men can still think fast!
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Sometimes the clown just needs a reality shot!
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Two little old ladies (yes, Geezerettes) were attending a rather long church service.
One leaned over and whispered to the other, "My butt is going to sleep."
"I know", replied her companion, "I heard it snore three time!"
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They even know us in the funny papers!
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On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.
One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and
searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still
had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy,
to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop
of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of
the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful
bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the
farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began
to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing
and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse
pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there IS a moral!)
"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!
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When a Geezer can't ride the 2 wheeler any longer!
İGeezersmc 2007
